Holy moly, I never knew we were going to review a W.A.S.P. record. The RMR crew steered clear of that overly glamorous genre for some time. After all, the whole idea pretty much turned into roadkill on the Sunset Strip some time ago. With a few remarkable exceptions, I give them that. But – wait, what? This ain’t W.A.S.P.? Damn.
And sure enough, our swampy review pipe just regurgitated an Australian band called Sabïre. An outfit that – apparently – had its coming out event on this planet back in 2010 and was active ever since with a few notable breaks in between. But it took them some friggin’ 14 years to bring their first full-length record to life. So, here we are and Jätt‘s ranting and raving. So what are we waiting for? Let’s have some of that age-old devil’s music, shall we?
Stony faces, arms firmly folded in front of all those untrimmed chests, and unlimited scowls that would make an ogre shit his pants.1 That was the first reaction of the old geezers over at the RMR Review Desk. Because, right off the bat, Jätt sounds as if the piece was recorded live in an underground garage with one single cheap microphone stuck in front of them. That might also explain why the vocalist – Scarlett Monastyrski – sounds like raging out of a broken radio speaker. With so much artificial reverb thrown in, you might wonder what unsavory place this guy is really yelling out of. And often, this smelly blurb feels like too much cheese ‘n’ onions and cheap cider with no relief in sight anywhere. A production so far underwater that even the sharks will drown eventually.
Now, Sabïre claimed their style to be Acid Metal, a genre they bestowed unto themselves like some sick badge of honor. Because – well – they’re different. What else is new, right? My evil twin already tried to drip some choice cuts of abject nastiness in my ears. But we won’t repeat that here. But in truth, Jätt turned into a crazed glam issue in search of an accident. A relic of the ’80s, fueled by Traditional and Heavy Metal that used to be all the rage right up Sunset Boulevard in good ol’ LA. The result is an extra-dimensional, tired mix of old rockers like the smoochy Scorpions, RATT, and the aforementioned W.A.S.P. All dressed in a clown’s costume.2
But uninspired songwriting apart – a few tracks gave us pause. Call Me a Bastard, Rip, Rip, Kill!!!, the lusty Pure Fucking Hell, or Just a Touch of Acid with its absolutely stellar solo surely hold their liquor and are could be fine songs suited to further the Lore ov Olde Metal. And that contrasts wildly with songs such as The Last Day. The latter sounds like a macerated Depeche Mode piece, turned into a wet specimen and stuffed upside down in a char full of alcohol. 3 And once Your Rending Hands or Chained Down turned up, yours truly was seriously looking for the exit door. Oh, and spare us those atrocious intros and outros next time. Keep ’em crisp or just leave ’em be, whatever comes first.
To make matters worse, the record suffers from bloatware disease so bad it would make one of them dead whales on the Californian beach look slim in comparison.4 Jätt saddles us with 15 lengthy tracks that’ll need serious attention from the dreaded carving knife. Some merciless culling might indeed have helped some. But – sadly – nobody did a thing.
As you might have noticed, we weren’t overly impressed with Jätt. Sabïre botched their debut so badly it will suddenly make Ty Morn sound like the next messiah. And that is like reaching for the next level of nirvana. And it’s not that this band is devoid of talent, far from it. But ramming everything you got into a tepid tracklist won’t suddenly increase quality. Instead, brutal choices must be made to distill this excruciatingly boring mess into a powerful piece. As it happens, the band currently only has material for a solid EP. And this is the route they should have taken.
Call me a bastard, if you will. But the honest truth is sometimes painful.
Record Rating: 3/10 | Label: Listenable Records | Web: Official Band Site
Release Date: 28 June 2024