Ha! I got ya, didn’t I? Negative headlines indeed create clicks. You thought this was all about miserable underground bands nobody ever heard of. Snazzy ranting destroying the month-long efforts those outfits put in to eke out a living. Right? RIGHT?
Nope, it isn’t. Much to the contrary, this is all about established metal bands that the RMR Review Desk shamefully ignored for all those years. You know, because – mainstream. They may all represent hardened metal but they were also insanely successful, alive and kicking for decades, and show no signs of slowing down. Most of them don’t, of course.
Thus, all those outfits are n00bs in the RMR review pipe. And we reviewed them with the present in mind without any reference to what metal goodness might have appeared in the past. No fanboy juice, no misplaced humility because of the weight of metal-laden decades of service. Just a contemporary view of the wares on offer. And the results were telling, if not often contrary to the views of our brethren in the review community. And – boy – if only Blind Guardian would have released this year, they would have been on it, too. But it wasn’t to be.
Interested? Keep reading. The dreaded lamestream n00bs at RMR have spoken. Hear their mighty voice.
Katatonia – Sky Devoid of Stars
Katatonia. Our expectations were sky-high once we fired that one up. And how should we not? The shining stars of established Progressive Metal with a doomy taste. Stuff that will dish out painful lessons to all those minions of the mighty prog diaspora. But – Sky Devoid of Stars turned out to be a technically astute but – at the same time – tedious affair. Background music that almost bored us to tears upon a second listen. And by that token, the piece doesn’t really deserve the somewhat high rating it finally garnered. 5/10.
Immortal – War Against All
It’s ferocious, fast, and full of blood-filled red meat. Snazzy riffs, and vile Black Metal rasps, all there. But after a while, the repetition bug killed the excitement. And whilst nothing is really bad on War Against All, there’s nothing to swoon over either. Demonaz created a perfect piece of down-the-middle Extreme Metal that will serve the existing fan base. But we were wondering if and when these new folks would come aboard. After all, existing fans have an expiration date, too. Just sayin’. 5/10.
In Flames – Foregone
In Flames sent us some powerful metal vibes. Foregone sports a superheavy version of ‘corish thrashy Melodic Death Metal with a serious clear voice problem. After all these years, the band still throws a mean metal punch. And that’s indeed how it should be. If only, they wouldn’t inject those choruses at any odd moment of the record. A trait that always left us with that vile taste of a Boy Band of 30 years ago. And this seriously tore the rating down a few notches. Because apart from that, Foregone is a pretty memorable piece. 6/10.
Enslaved – Heimdal
Enslaved probably is a household name in (almost) any metalhead’s home. RMR never embarked on a discovery of the wares this band offered – yet. And we found somewhat of a mixed bag of harsh excellence and way too much noodlin’ around the soundscape. That should have taken them down on the rating scale. But, to our surprise, despite all the shortcomings, this here record had some real prowess in its steely belly. 7/10.
Cattle Decapitation – Terrasite
Terrasite and its cover straight from The Fly filled us with all sorts of foreboding. But fear naught, we caught ourselves the surprise of the year. The old folks over at Cattle Decapitation really nailed that one. This ain’t mainstream, this is Extreme Metal nobility at work teaching them youngsters how to slam metal about somebody’s ears. Neanderthal metal smashed on the turntables in civilized slices. Not possible? Click play if you dare. 8/10.
Cannibal Corpse – Chaos Horrific
Many of our sources told us to expect a gruesome putrescent feast worth of Death Metal royalty. A big deal that would – in some ways – alter the metal history of the year with decidedly oldish but thunderously good alloy. Oldish wares we got indeed, but the metal on offer didn’t quite live up to today’s expectations. It looks like the rampant exploitation of outrage and negative press found the end of the road and reality’s taking over. The law of diminishing returns in Extreme Metal? Perhaps. But they’ll still sport a sturdy fan base as long as it lasts. As to this crew here, though, we weren’t all that impressed. 4/10.
Dying Fetus – Make Them Beg for Death
Oh boy. Here’s to a band that has surely been consistent in the proliferation of Brutal Death Metal. Some even called them the overlords. Yet, since their inception, there hasn’t been much change in style and delivery. Some bands in the metalsphere have been very successful with this. But this here hardcore Neanderthal version of DM certainly lost its luster some time ago. Metal ferocity in gruesome colors from a long-gone era. Dying Fetus is a perfect example of that and the RMR reviewers were not very amused. Stale musings ahead. 4/10.
And what’s the final word of the RMR Review Desk on all lamestream activity? Interestingly, the RMR folks truly expected some low-rating fest with some lazy-bone and entitled metal bands. Instead, we found a fair share of good-quality records, some duds notwithstanding. So, here we stand corrected. Great things still roll forth from age-old outfits. But what exactly is new about that point of wisdom, right?