I frankly never thought I’d write a 0/10 review. And those are, come to think of it, described as ‘dead on arrival’ in our ranking guide. Such a – thing would need to be more than abysmally bad and really point to a band on their way out of their very own predicament.
Over the more than 10 years of RMR in action, we have had exactly two (2) full-length pieces ranking at 1/101/2, but never a zero-level event. And this gives you an idea as to how rare true garbage pieces are over here. Not because the RMR crew has outstanding taste, much to the contrary. But because we have a special take on writing negative reviews.
Thus, meet Thorgrim and their newest concoction, Puca3. A record that – and I quote – “…captures pain and torment as a force that shapes us all.” And by the merciless Gawds of Metal, those statements sometimes are as caustically prophetic as they are clairvoyantly astute. But there’s more. ‘Do what thou wilt’4 seems to be yet another seemingly unwritten rule the band embarks on. And in a way, those statements sound great for a free-wheeling master songwriter. Albeit, on this record, things didn’t quite work out as intended.
Because once Children of Doom takes off, the pain starts in earnest. This production sounds as if some kid in an underground concrete bunker did a ‘leedle bidness’, recording pear-shaped tracks on a 10-year-old iPhone. There is no mix or elaborate master here. It is just raw input straight from the proverbial horse, vomited directly onto the master. And we really wonder what the seemingly reputable studios5 did with this broken trash can of a record. Cashing in on the money, I guess, but nothing much else, judging by the final product.
Thorgrim seems to be a band just winging it, recording on some sort of makeshift stage somewhere. Puca lurches forth like some addle-brained cookie monster with a substance-abuse problem. As per the band, Puca is a one-take record of whatever the fuck took their fancy. And the piece indeed sounds like a wretched stage performance, played by incompetent, greying ogres. A recording that left mistakes and any other negatives directly on tape, without any attempt to at least iron out the worst offenders. As the lore goes, this was done to give the audience a piece of their own raw fury. And to hell with those commercial morons, that kind of thing.
The outcome is a listless motley selection of often disjointed soundbites and hardly audible vocals. And perhaps this was intentional. Made by a band seemingly incapable of writing a decent riff or keeping any resemblance to coherence. Noise galore you will find, but no exciting little jewels nor any decent musical prowess will try to surprise us with its dulcet ways. Puca shows some limited experimental traits, though. But most of that drowns in a lackadaisical and even farcical approach to creating sound when imprinting this sewage-laden rubbish onto that poor vinyl. And the RMR crew hates nothing more than this sinking impression of a band thumbing its nose at its fanbase. That’s not art, that’s wasting everybody’s time with some useless cosmic joke nobody gets outside the limited confines of that metallic miasma this band operates in.
So, let’s stop the rant, shall we? We’ll end up in bedlam, else. Ever-returning repetitions worse than clubslop, aimless ‘n’ grimy scraping about the soundscape, and lazy-assed songwriting seem to be the rule on Puca. And let me just single out one track. And that is this acoustic (or is it?) abomination called Dark Cabin. This is a weak-tea copy of Nirvana’s About a Girl, off the latter’s record Bleach. Yet another snub, this time at one of the most respected rock bands of all time.
Puca ain’t a record, it is a statement. One of disdain, one of a lack of artistry, of a blatant disregard for any level of quality that usually can be found on even the most caustic punk records. The latter indeed show some style, a musical savoir-faire garnished with a (brutal) message that will command some respect. In contrast, Thorgrim here have nothing to show for themselves, short of severe anger issues and a bunch of graceless noisebites.
Record Rating: 0/10 | Label: Octopus Rising / Argonauta | Web: Official Band Site
Release Date: 24 April 2024
- Out of more than 1’200 reviews of all sorts, if you must know.-↩
- And the culprits are: Magnadur and Elf Queen. And both truly deserved such dire news.-↩
- Yet another prophetic moniker. Nomen est omen in action. -Ed.-↩
- The acid-laced credo of one Aleister Crowley. -Ed.-↩
- Fox River Studio and Hinnendal Studios in Green Bay, Wisconsin, as per the promo dude.-↩